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Please find my latest postings in my column, So Worthy, at Lovemionline.com.

A State of Thanksgiving

Once again, it is that time of year where I reflect on all of the many things for which I am thankful. My blessings are abundant and I simply cannot complain. Naturally, I am thankful for life itself. With its ups and downs, joys and disappointments, and everything in between, to experience each of those elements, to feel each of those emotions, that is to live. And while I am always and forever grateful for my family, those who have always believed in me, my potential, my dreams, and my success, it is those that I call friends that I think of the most at Thanksgiving. Those who contribute some unique perspective that makes my life rich, full, and beautiful. With each year that passes and the days and the moments that make it, I discover new reasons to be thankful. Here’s what I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful for friends both old and new.

I count myself fortunate to have friends in my life who have known me for nearly two decades. People with whom I’ve grown up, even after we were already grownups. Those who appreciate me for the ways in which I’ve stayed the same while also embracing how I’ve grown and changed. I am equally as fortunate to have new friends that have joined my life. Friends that I can’t believe I’d lived without for so long. Friends who may not know or were not there for the origin of my ideas, feelings, and opinions, but understand them just the same.

I am thankful for friends both near and far.

I am so blessed that no matter where I am in the world I can hold my friends in my heart. Though distance may separate us, I am thankful that they are only a plane ride, a phone call, or a text message away.

I am thankful for friends who are a part of my every day and those who are there every day I need them.

I can’t imagine what I would do without the friends who are around to meet up with for an impromptu shopping trip or a weeknight dinner - to swap stories about the details of our days, to vent about work, or chat about everything or nothing at all. And while I wish all of my friends could be around for those every day moments, it’s comforting to know that when I things feel like they are falling apart or I need a voice of reason, they are there.

I am thankful for friends who love me when I’m fabulous and love me when I’m flawed.

I am thankful for the friends who are there when I have it all together – when life is effortless and fun. When times shared with friends includes lots of laughs sprinkled in comfortable silence. But even the strongest, most confident woman has moments where she makes mistakes. Where she’s less than lovable. How thankful I am to have friends that love me anyway and ride through the storm with me.

I am thankful for friends who care enough to tell me honestly what I need to hear and those who care enough to withhold information they fear will hurt me.

I’m thankful for friends who give honest advice. Friends who are willing to tell me when they think I shouldn’t make that phone call and when they think I should. Friends who are there to give me the support I need whether it’s a kick in the pants or to dust me off when I’ve stumbled. The friends who will thoughtfully sift what they know when they believe it’s in my best interest.

I am thankful for the friends who share in the good times and encourage in the bad.

Friends who can celebrate the successes with me on one day and see the silver lining in my cloud for me on the next.

So with my heart filled with thanks, I say a sincere thank you to you, my friends. Thank you for serving an immeasurable capacity in my life. Your friendship is much appreciated today, and throughout the year.

The Math of Relationships

From our earliest experiences with basic math, we learn that one is a whole, zero represents nothing, and fractions represent this world in between. And because of these facts, a whole is greater than a half and a half is greater than nothing. But relationships are different. They are complicated and have their own set of constantly evolving rules which make those basic math rules null and void. Although in relationships, I’ve discovered the mathematical statement that is as absolute as the conventional rules of math.

Zero is equal to a whole and a half is greater than both.

Confused? Well, think of it this way. In every relationship, there is a critical point where a decision must be made. A choice can be made to end the said relationship or to wholly engage in the said relationship. These equal and opposite acts require exerting the same amount of energy, just in divergent directions. However, the energy required to walk the line between those two worlds, to balance at that critical point rather than choosing a side, to half attempt a relationship, far surpasses the energy exerted in choosing to forgo or fully commit to a relationship. In other words, the half is greater. Greater. Bigger. Harder. Grayer. More strenuous. More confusing. More unnerving.

Not that being in a relationship (or out) of a relationship doesn’t bring its own set of challenges. But those are the challenges that are anticipated, expected, prepared for. The rules are much clearer, more plain, in black and white. To be in means you stake claim, you have a right to input, and you are a factor. To be out means you hold no stake, you have no right to input, you aren’t a factor. All. Or nothing. To be halfway there means you may stake a claim, but you may not and you don’t talk or can’t talk about if you do. You may have some input, but it may fall on deaf ears. You aren’t a factor, but may think that you are or wish that you were. You are caught in the abyss of gray, hazy, and unclear.

Like with every good math lesson, learning the rule isn't enough. Knowing what to do next is just as important. How do we know what to do next? Well, again, math conventions prevail. Know your own limit. Make a plan. And don't be afraid to make mistakes. After all, that's why we use pencil. There's no mistake in math, or life, that can't be corrected.

Pride

Sometimes the people in the world I am closest to get frustrated with me (but because they love me, they stick around!). As much as I chat about the frivolous and write about the serious, when it comes to voicing my true feelings and emotions (usually regarding my relationships or the lack there of), I’m virtually mute. Drawing the words out of me is as insurmountable a task as penetrating Fort Knox. I am woman enough to admit that I would probably be pretty frustrated too. But perhaps, upon further examination and explanation, I will enable my wonderfully supportive friends to bridge the gap between frustration and understanding.

Boys come and boys go. And each time someone new makes their way on stage in this story called my life, my friends are usually more excited than I am. The squeals, the giggles, and the rapid fire questions are all commonplace when I hesitantly speak the words, “I met someone.” Why the disparity in excitement? It’s not that I don’t want to be excited, but with the amount of life experience under my belt that I have, I tend to be reserved. I keep my cards in my hand, attempt to keep my emotions in check, and anticipate the worst case scenarios while they have the freedom to have faith and hope and dream of happy endings

Their frustrations arise when they want to share their thoughts, dreams, opinions, and ideas. When they want hear are all the juicy (or not-so-juicy) details and instead become acquainted with my one word answers. Some shake their heads while others whine about how they shared that exact information with me. Those who know me best know it is falling on deaf ears. I don’t budge. I do try to appease them and explain that it isn’t about them. They don’t realize that I’m not slighting them. It’s not as if I am going around telling the world this coveted information and not telling them. I’m not telling anybody.

The savvy ones have caught on. If they let me write it out, the stream of consciousness may reveal a little more. If they ask the right questions, a few more details may slip. And when all else fails, libations tend to loosen my lips.

The thing is, if I speak of it, then, it is real. And if it is real, it has as much potential to bloom as it does to break down, to develop as it does to deteriorate, to flourish as it does to fragment, leaving me to pick up the pieces yet again. This is only half of the battle. For me, the hardest part isn’t the ending of the relationship or the termination of the situation. Don’t be mistaken. That’s difficult in its own respect, but in the infamous words of Sheryl Crow, “the first cut is the deepest,” so at this point in life, nothing trumps what I have already endured. However, what is much harder for me, the overachieving, always succeeding one, is the task of admitting that, yet again, I have failed in the one aspect of life in which I haven’t achieved success…yet. It is far easier for me and my ego to say nothing than to utter the words, “It didn’t work out.”

Whether I speak of it or not, the situation, it’s potential, it’s path, it’s fate and it’s future, doesn’t change. My pride, however, is a work in progress, and I know that it eventually will because the people in my life are worth it. They are caring and kind and only want to be a part of my world despite my best efforts to forbid them access. And while they may not share my viewpoints and may still be aggravated by my inability to share, I know that they will be there and that now they understand.

About Like

I don’t know if it was while listening to my iPod or the radio or watching a couple dance their first dance at their wedding reception. Or maybe it was just a random thought in the midst of many thoughts throughout my day. Whatever the reason, I started thinking about songs. Why is it that there are so many songs about love, but no songs about like?

Love and like. In my years, I can honestly say, I have had much more experience with the latter, ridding my life of those who fell short of the mark before it had the chance to develop into the former. And through all the ups and downs of figuring those feelings out, I often used music as a source of coping or hoping. However, there were times where the words weren’t quite right. Declarations of forever. Elaborate phrases evoking visions of birds chirping and flowers blooming. Recollections of dreams coming to fruition. All good and wonderful and beautiful things, but I wasn’t there yet. Where were the words I needed at this very early stage of a path I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay on…yet?

I contemplated what was missing and thought… When will someone sing about nervous anticipation mixed with doubt? Where are the songs about those days, weeks, and months when you are still on the journey to understanding someone – those days before life has handed you some earth-shattering, defining moment? Why are there no lyrics for those critical moments after you realize there is chemistry, but before you know if there is enough for it to be more? Who is speaking to the hearts and minds of those who are walking the line – wanting to go out on a limb and risk it all, but taking a few steps back and keeping their cards close to their chests? What words will speak to those deciding if someone’s communication style is a deal breaker?

Like has its own unique challenges, feelings, and frustrations which are often neglected in music. Maybe it’s because “Always and Forever” will always be a better selling potential then “Today and the Foreseeable Future?” Or that “I Will Always Love You” has more appeal than “I Could Possibly Give this a Try.” But isn’t that what we are thinking? I can only hope that one day I’ll find the lyrics that adequately express my like until I need the ones that will express my love.