Giving Up

So I'm giving up all the lists. All the "I wants" and the "he needs to have" checklists of requirements that haven't gotten me any further than where I started. Because life isn't a fairy tale and things don't always work out the way you planned in the real world. And sometimes the man with the most checks fails to be all you need and expect him to be. The reality of finding who I'm meant to be with will far exceed any school girl (or school teacher) fantasy of perfect molds cast in the figment of my imagination.

While I can't say what exactly it is I am trying to find or how that is supposed to feel, I can say is that what I want is something real. Something that can be found in any man regardless of his idiosyncrasies and quirks and whether or not he plays pick up basketball or frequents museums. Like everyone else, I want the man with whom I can have the amazing friendship and the amazing passion. The man who I can watch the game with, but also walk in the park with. The man who thinks of me as the woman he wants to take home, but also take home to his mom. But mostly I want the man that thinks I'm the most beautiful in those moments right before we go to sleep - slight traces of mascara around my eyes, hair piled atop my head - all traces of the night vanished. That's something I'm not giving up on.