Mr. Big Stuff and Then Some

9/15/09

I clicked on the message and read: “hey cutie how you doing? stopped by to amire that amazing smile. how was your day tell me all about.” Was that last part even a sentence? I shook my head and hoped the next message from a potential suitor would be much more promising. I was optimistic. All those happy, smiling couples walking the beach or sharing a romantic dinner started out in this same situation and they ended up together. Why couldn’t I find someone online? I moved the mouse over to the next message and clicked again.

“If I could be anything in this world...anything at all...I would be your teardrop...born in your ever-so beautiful eyes...live on your gorgeous cheeks...and die happily on your very sexy lips...Hello, how are you? What's your name? I definitely like what I see and I was hoping that we could talk and become friends” Seriously, homie?

After a slew of similar messages, I was exhausted and decided to take a few days off from the unoriginal, uninspired, and un-spell checked messages written by men with grossly inappropriate usernames. No, mrbigstuff, I don’t want you to “get to know a shawty better.”

My friend Lori was wrong; this process was nothing like online shopping! Even when I have to search a few pages for that perfect dress, at least I have ample, quality options. At this point, I felt like I was restricted to the clearance rack at the discount store! I mean, really? Is that all that is left for the confident, strong, and deserving women that we are? Men who put forth as little effort as possible to get to know us? Who don’t recognize just how fabulous we are and why they should be happy to know more about us? Men who don’t take the extra minute to make sure words are spelled correctly or to use correct punctuation (there’s spelling and grammar check for a reason)? Men who have no idea that less is more?

I have faith that it isn't, but, wow. At some point, even the flattery rationale doesn't make us feel too hopeful about our prospects. My friend, Mia, frequently uses the analogy, "It's nice to be invited to the party even if you don't want to attend," to describe her viewpoint on being approached by men she isn't interested in. Clearly, I was not sending an RSVP to the 40-plus year old guy who wanted to know about the last time I went bowling (bizarre!) just like Tara, 31, wasn’t sending one to the mid-twenty-something who only talked in text talk. Omg indeed!

My venture thus far had been quite an adventure, but I was still willing to give it a try with a little bit of tweaking. I decided to reformat my profile. Emily, 27, gave the advice of how to be more selective in my profile about things I wasn’t into in a positive way. “Instead of saying ‘no tattoos’ you might say ‘a clean cut kind of guy’ or something like that.” I took that into consideration and went back to the drawing board. Those few adjustments weren’t the only changes I made, however. I also decided to reformat my life. Rule #8 from an expert online dater I spoke with reminded me of an important point. Online dating doesn’t replace your regular social life. I needed to get out there and mix and mingle. I took that to heart and made some weekend plans. It looks like I was venturing back out onto the scene again. After all, a girl’s got to keep her options open. Put herself out there. Cast her net.

Now let’s see who bites.