Not Into Me?

Ladies, we are lucky. Finally someone wrote some sense into our worlds and all of our questions were answered in just six simple words – he’s just not that into you. It’s easy, sensible, and rational. But before we allow ourselves the chance to get over it and accept the reality of the situation, we must allow ourselves to wallow in the fantasy. The point between the hope that he’ll call, and the acceptance that he’s not going to after all. That limbo in which you allow yourself, for the last time, to think about what could be before admitting to yourself that it’s not going to be. You are not alone. I hope you can commiserate and realize that even when it seems as if you will never get over it, you will. You are stronger than you think.

I’m starting to break a sweat now as I get into a rhythm on the elliptical machine at the gym. If I have nothing else after all of this, I’ll have really toned thighs. I keep my mind (and eyes) off the passing minutes by propping up this month’s Cosmo as a distraction. I manage to keep my balance as I savor the glossy pages between my fingertips.

About 17 minutes into my workout, I come across the article that beckons, “Read me!” My eyes immediately fall over, “Rule #1 – If he doesn’t call back in one week….” (This was prior to the “He’s Just Not That Into You” phenomenon so this was my wake up call.) In that instant, it all changed. The truth was blazing in front of my eyes and I had to face the reality of the situation. I mean, all of my rationales and excuses and explanations were being refuted right before my eyes. Couldn’t he have been really busy? You know, being a doctor and all. Busy saving lives and what have you. And maybe there was some familial crisis that prevented him from reaching out to me.

Realistically, those practical bones in my body were telling me the truth I was so desperately trying to deny. He wasn’t going to call. Naturally, I should have taken Cosmo’s (and my trusted friends) advice and not tried to hold onto the idea that this time it might be different. At that moment, I should have cut the ties I’d already established in my mind – the weekend excursions, the parties with friends, the romantic dates. You know, the trip to Belmont he promised – and the Louis I know I’d for sure have gotten with our winnings. The weekend excursion to Atlantic City sharing a glorious room for 2. The picnics we’d share on a blanket in the park while we lay in the grass and talked about much of nothing. All the while being the envy of the single girls. The list is endless.

All the things I could have ever wanted. So many checks off my list. I couldn’t give up hope yet, could I? For the first time, in a long time, I had let myself be open to the idea that this could be a reality rather than my usual living vicariously through everyone else. I had let my guard (and my walls) down for some odd reason.

The time ran out on the elliptical machine like time runs out on a statute of limitations. I’d have to face it. This was the one I’d let get away. Weeks have passed since our initial meeting and I’ve gotten over him. Sort of. Rationally I have. I’m even almost over the idea of him, except those moments when I allow my thoughts to wander back to that whirlwind evening. Although I am not quite ready to take his number out of my cell phone, I’m sure one day I will be. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again, hailing a cab or on the dance floor. But until then, I’ll have to settle for my memories.

This isn’t where the story ends. At the time I penned the words, it was the finale. I am happy to report that as always, time heals all wounds. I managed to delete the number from my cell phone without as much as a second thought. Someone else came along and I kissed them in the back of a cab. I had someone else tell me how beautiful and wonderful I was. I nursed my bruised ego, dealt with the deeper issues I wasn’t addressing, and finally realized what my dear friends had been telling me all along - I didn’t let him get away. He let me get away. He didn’t take the time to see all that I was and I want to be with someone does. So on to new stories, new beginnings, and finding one that’s just that into me.