Love Me, Myself, and I

1/14/09


I was 17 and it was Valentine’s Day. I woke up, made myself an omelet, and watched Singled Out on MTV. I spent the day enjoying quality time with me, myself, and I. This behavior was significant because it was in stark contrast to the year before where I donned all black, swore off the entire male species, and shed a few tears at my so-called, wait, no-called love life. When I poured my heart out to my journal while singing along with my Bodyguard soundtrack cassette tape because Whitney felt my pain! The Winnie the Pooh loves you cards and cheap, heart-shaped lollipops from friends weren’t enough. I wanted to be one of the haves and not one of the have-nots. At 16, I failed to realize that just because you don’t have a valentine, doesn’t mean that you don’t have, and cannot celebrate, love.

Now I’m 29 and Valentine’s Day is here again. I think about that Valentine’s Day when at 17, though young and naïve, I latched on to the concept of being my own best friend. And although I have relapsed a time or two since, with age, growth, and time, things that once were the bane of my existence became less earth-shattering events and more experiences to embrace.

I’m not alone in realizing that those early experiences, even when traumatic, lead to a great appreciation for the love you do have (or find) in your life. Lisa Callaghan, 28, remembers a time in college when a guy she was just getting to know brought her a teddy bear, then told her he wanted to have sex. “I told him I wasn’t that kind of girl, kicked him out, and never went out with him again.” Although it was frustrating, going through that makes her appreciate her fiancé more. “It’s so wonderful when you finally find the right guy.”

Not all of us have had an experience like Lisa. Some of us, like Julie Polk, 28, were fortunate to grow up in families that celebrate their love on Valentine’s Day. “I love it even if I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s a day to celebrate your love for family and friends! I get a valentine every year from my Dad that says “Be Mine.” I love it. It’s tradition and I enjoy receiving it every year.” Ladies like Julie weren’t restricted to some commercialized, let’s-make-all-the-single-people-feel-like-lepers holiday that’s solely about romantic love. To me, they seem to be the ones less affected by the holiday in spite of their relationship status.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with desiring love on a special day! But all of your life’s hope and dreams shouldn’t be placed on one day. Women that I spoke to, single and taken, remarked that it’s about what happens on the other 364 days of the year. Kelsey Gordon 28, states, “I think it’s much more special when someone does those things on a random day just because they want to.”

It took me a while to embrace the magnitude of receiving tokens of affection on random days and not just Valentine’s Day. After falling off the wagon a few times (i.e. the time in college where the black was revisited and the Bodyguard tape was replaced with the Waiting to Exhale CD), I finally learned my lesson. It wasn’t easy and didn’t happen overnight. And unlike the movies, it wasn’t magically repaired by the kiss of a prince. Instead, this princess made a conscious choice to celebrate her life and love as is. She bought the flowers, candy, and jewelry for herself. She filled her day with the things she valued - good company and good conversation. She decided to just be.

Single ladies, when a sea of red and pink engulfs you and hearts are shoved in your face, it’s easy to lose hope. As you go through your day and are tempted to feel down, remember that romance comes and goes and comes back again if you are lucky. So appreciate and celebrate the wide variety of other love that you do have, for yourself and others. For those of you have found romance, savor it! As for me, I’ll probably wake up, make myself an omelet, and spend my day taking care of me, myself, and I.