The Math of Relationships

From our earliest experiences with basic math, we learn that one is a whole, zero represents nothing, and fractions represent this world in between. And because of these facts, a whole is greater than a half and a half is greater than nothing. But relationships are different. They are complicated and have their own set of constantly evolving rules which make those basic math rules null and void. Although in relationships, I’ve discovered the mathematical statement that is as absolute as the conventional rules of math.

Zero is equal to a whole and a half is greater than both.

Confused? Well, think of it this way. In every relationship, there is a critical point where a decision must be made. A choice can be made to end the said relationship or to wholly engage in the said relationship. These equal and opposite acts require exerting the same amount of energy, just in divergent directions. However, the energy required to walk the line between those two worlds, to balance at that critical point rather than choosing a side, to half attempt a relationship, far surpasses the energy exerted in choosing to forgo or fully commit to a relationship. In other words, the half is greater. Greater. Bigger. Harder. Grayer. More strenuous. More confusing. More unnerving.

Not that being in a relationship (or out) of a relationship doesn’t bring its own set of challenges. But those are the challenges that are anticipated, expected, prepared for. The rules are much clearer, more plain, in black and white. To be in means you stake claim, you have a right to input, and you are a factor. To be out means you hold no stake, you have no right to input, you aren’t a factor. All. Or nothing. To be halfway there means you may stake a claim, but you may not and you don’t talk or can’t talk about if you do. You may have some input, but it may fall on deaf ears. You aren’t a factor, but may think that you are or wish that you were. You are caught in the abyss of gray, hazy, and unclear.

Like with every good math lesson, learning the rule isn't enough. Knowing what to do next is just as important. How do we know what to do next? Well, again, math conventions prevail. Know your own limit. Make a plan. And don't be afraid to make mistakes. After all, that's why we use pencil. There's no mistake in math, or life, that can't be corrected.