Rediscovering Butterflies

10/13/09

Kyle. I saw him across the room at a wedding and appreciated that he was still strikingly good looking. His time on the West Coast had clearly treated him well. Kyle. The nice guy. The good guy. But unlike the other guys I’d met lately, Kyle was captivating. The butterflies I had missed for many months immediately returned.

It took a while before I walked (okay, strutted) over to him. Careful, of course, not to trip over my stilettos! I greeted him with a hug and struck up a conversation. And as soon as we started talking, there were endless things to say. From our careers to our travels and the fascinating things in between, we talked nonstop until my girlfriends and the bride called me from the dance floor. Soon after, however, I found myself next to him again continuing our conversation.

The chemistry was apparent. To my friends, it was the close proximity in which we were standing or perhaps the gleam in his eye. But to me it was the electricity of his touch as his hand lightly grazed my arm. My friends were eating it up and already started in with the “Who’s he?” and the “I saw you talking to him!” and the “What are you going to do?” The typical Friend Inquisition. But they weren’t the only ones asking questions. The wheels in my mind were rapidly turning, wondering how to approach the situation. Thankfully, Decisive Diva, the logical and rational angel that often stands on my shoulder, offered a helping hand. I was ready to commit…wait. “What are you going to do? What do you want from him? Doesn’t he live on the other side of the country? Isn’t he cute though?” There she was again, crushing Decisive Diva and rearing her cute, but slightly insane head - Can’t Make Up Her Mind Mama. There I was. Stuck between what I wanted and what I perceived to be the right choice, again.

Our conversation turned to full flirtation and there we were at the crossroads. I could have allowed our brief kisses to turn into more, like the 26 year old me probably would have, but my better judgment told me to allow him to walk me to my door and end it there. Anything else would, perhaps, jeopardize what could be. This type of connection comes few and far between in my world, so I was willing to forego my fun for the possibility of something more. The next morning we exchanged hellos and then goodbyes, and in the chaos didn’t get a chance, unfortunately, to say or do anything more. I wondered if I should contact him or if he would try to contact me. Neither has happened as of yet.

Only time will tell how things will play out with Kyle. Maybe if time and space and place are on our sides and it is meant to be, our paths will cross again and we will actually see where things go. But if not, I am still grateful for this experience. After the ups and downs and all arounds of the past year, it was refreshing to actually interact with the type of man that I ultimately want and deserve. And, if nothing else, it restored my hope and faith in once again finding and feeling butterflies.