Yes, I Can!

10/27/09

The leaves have changed from green to gold and I've traded my strapless dresses and flip flops for sweater dresses and boots. Fall is officially here, and the change of season reminds me of how life also changes. My season of change didn't coincide with my wardrobe changes, however. Weeks after my shoulders had last seen the light of day (or the dark of night for that matter), they wore an invisible weight that I desperately needed to shed. It wasn't the weight of the world that I bore, but rather the weight of my own fear and frustration. Fear that I'd never again meet anyone worthy. Frustration with all of the unworthy ones I'd met.

I'd been feeling this way for a while, but was unable or unwilling to do anything about it until I made a deal with myself one night this summer. I resolved that if my dating bad luck hadn't changed by summer's end, I’d have to try something different. I'd have to change my game. That’s why I tried online dating. But when my stint with online dating was unsuccessful at best, I thought that sticking to something a little closer to my personality was worth a shot. Being a natural people person who responds best to one-on-one interactions, I figured speed dating might be more up my alley. So when the opportunity presented itself to attend an event, I put on my patent party heels and went for it!

I arrived before my friend, so I made my way over to the bar to get my drink. Even though I had no expectations, I needed a little bit of liquid courage to start things off. At the bar, I exchanged pleasantries with a couple of other ladies who were first time speed daters as well. When I mentioned the neighborhood I lived in, one of the ladies chimed in, “I think he lives there, too.” I turned around and was face to face with Lorenzo. I was intrigued by his smile and we struck up a conversation. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), we were participants in two separate events so we put our conversation on hold and went to our respective floors of the bi-level bar. The event was fun, but the selection left something to be desired. I chalked it up to it being a fun opportunity to flirt and keep my skills sharp for when it really matters. But then I ran into Lorenzo later at the afterparty and my interest was piqued.

We spent much of the evening getting to know each other. As we sat closely on the bench and sipped our drinks, we exchanged details about our likes, our frustrations, our friends. Surprisingly enough, as the night progressed, my inner dialogue was only between me and Decisive Diva. I was cool, calm, and confident. I knew exactly what I wanted out of this evening so Can't Make Up Her Mind Mama never surfaced.

Our evening ended with a goodnight kiss at my door and a goodbye. Two days later, I hadn't heard from him, so I was debating what to do. I texted a friend of mine who has a few more years in the game than me. I recounted the story and asked for her advice to which she responded, “Send him a text. Something along the lines of ‘Good to meet you. Let’s grab a drink sometime soon.’” Interesting. “Boys are stupid and you are smart,” she continued. “Gotta give them hints. You are putting it in their court, but you are letting them know you are interested.” Genius! Now where had that advice been all my dating life? It made so much sense!

When my friend and I finished the rest of our text conversation, I drafted a similar text to the one she suggested to send to Lorenzo. I was still hesitant. This wasn't the usual way I played things, but I was open to the change. I read over the message one more time and decided I was satisfied. Yes, I can! I thought. And with a click, I hit ‘send.’ Now it was time to wait. Let the adventure begin!