K's Rules of Order

12/8/09

Growing up, I was a goody two shoes. The obedient child teacher’s wish they had a class full of. The kid that always followed the rules. Sure, I bent a few rules, but never had I flat out broken one. Never had I taken a rule and snapped it like a twig and said "to hell with you!" Perhaps it was my strict and traditional upbringing or maybe it is just my nature. I mean, I do spend my days enforcing rules with children. No matter what the reason, my rule abiding nature has seeped into my budding dating life.

I'm sure those reckless rule breakers out there find this hard to believe, but not only did I follow the rules, but I began creating my own. "I don't call boys." "I won't date anyone who isn't at least 6 feet tall." At 17, I had pages and pages of rules for whom I would date and how I would date them. Over the years, I added to the list. Some of the rules were legitimate (and still standing) like choosing someone who makes me strive to be a better person. Others were arbitrary and slightly ridiculous like “can't listen to techno”. What was I thinking? I mean, I'm still going to knock it, but it doesn't mean that he needs to be excluded from the list of potential suitors because he has odd taste in music.

So while I never broke one of my rules, I did start to let some go. In my experience, I began to discover that the older we get, the less stringent we are with our arbitrary rules. We start to realize that some of our most amazing experiences happen when we aren't concerned with coloring within the lines. For instance, Shanna, 39, would have never met her husband 10 years ago if she clung too tightly to her rule of never dating a guy who was divorced or had children. When she met Rick, he had been divorced about 8 years and had a 7-year-old son. However, that didn't stop Rick from treating her like a queen, calling when he said he would, and making her a priority. She realized that life is messy and our girlhood dreams don't always come to fruition in the way in which we imagined.

If Amber, 31, had obsessed about dating a guy a few years younger like she would have in her early twenties, she would have missed out on meeting Noah. Sure there were some fashion trends and TV shows he didn't quite remember, but when it came down to her non-negotiables, there was no question. He was "her age" in the areas that really mattered.

Hey, and we wouldn't have the dynamic duo known as our first couple if Michelle was concerned that Barack wasn't as advanced in his career as she was when they met. Their natural connection, her ability to see his potential, and, most importantly, her ability to see his character made all the difference.

In thinking back on some of the possibilities I shot down because I was too stubborn to let myself say” I met him at a bar” or that would I “look bad” to others for choosing him. Who was I to hold myself back based on someone else’s rules? The only rules I'm going to keep from now on are to be open to whatever life, God, and the Universe present to me and to do the things that make me happy. Life's too short to live by anyone else's rules or to make decisions based on others and how they live their lives. With thirty just around the corner, I feel like there is no time like the present to start making these changes in my life. The girl I was before would have approached these changes with an attitude of “ready, or not” (and by that, I mean, mostly not!). However, the courageous, bold, and open-hearted woman I have evolved into is approaching the changes with an attitude of simply ready. Game on!