Easy Beginnings

3/23/10

We met through friends of friends at the beach one weekend and instantly hit it off. We had so much in common and found ourselves chatting frequently during our weekend stay. At the end of the weekend, we realized we wouldn't see each other at the beach again for three weekends, so we made plans to catch a movie the following weekend back in the city.

Our Sunday matinee movie was followed by dinner where we shared our stories and more than a few laughs. At the end of dinner, we made plans to be in touch again soon. I knew this was the beginning of something good. And thus was the beginning of our relationship. The catch? This wasn't the start of my relationship with my latest great love, but rather with my latest great girlfriend! As I thought about the forging of this friendship, I could only think to myself, “If only finding my match was this easy!”
I loved how Bianca and I just clicked. We were like-minded women. Smart. Sassy. Strong. Confident. Fun. And, of course, it helped that we both appreciated a booty-shaking good time! And this isn’t the first time I’ve had such an experience. When I met my friend Brian, I knew instantly we were going to be friends. He felt familiar. It was so easy. It was like we had been friends all along. I was totally comfortable with him and trusted him even though we had just met. Years later, our friendship is still going strong. So why wasn’t this transferring to my relationships?

I share the theory of some that in the beginning of a relationship, it's supposed to be that easy. Before you encounter and handle the big, messy stuff as a couple, you are able to wallow in the wooing and bask in the bliss of the honeymoon phase. If the beginning isn't roses and daisies, if you are worrying about if he’s going to stay or going to go, then maybe this isn't going to be the next great love because it just isn't supposed to be that hard in the beginning. Maybe that’s where, in the past, I have fallen down. Maybe because it had been a while or maybe because I was blinded by the attraction that I didn’t see all of the red flags and warning signs at the beginning. Maybe those roses and daisies I “saw” were actually weeds of inaction and inconsistency. Perhaps if I’d revisited the theory, I would have seen it for what it was worth and held out for something better, just like what happened with my friend Michael.

Recently, Michael met a girl at a party. After a busy few weeks, when I finally caught up with him, they were already on the fast track of making weekend plans together. Not the generic, still-getting-to-know-you-dinner-then-hang-out-at-the-bar weekend plans. Legitimate we-are-in-a-relationship-going-away-for-the-weekend-plans. Wow! I couldn't believe how quickly they'd fallen so comfortably into a routine of meshing their lives together. When I pried a bit, he relayed the information I pretty much figured he would, having knowledge of his recent dating experiences. It just wasn't complicated with her when they met. They knew they liked each other and went with it. No drama. No games. No nonsense.

It’s funny. I never really bought into that whole, “you know when you know” concept. I guess I just needed some sort of context. And while I haven’t met anyone who’s stuck like my friends have stuck, I’m optimistic that I will and when I do, I’ll know. I'm hopeful that just like I knew with my friendship with Bianca and just like I knew when I slipped into my first pair of Jimmy Choos, I’ll know. With him, I’ll know.