Misadventures of Online Dating

3/9/10

After my not-so-successful experience on a few free online dating sites, I realized you must get what you pay for. And since the 'New Year, New Me Krista' had already dropped serious dollars on a winter getaway, what was another few dollars on this adventure? I’d gotten over my initial experience and figured it wouldn’t hurt to give it another whirl! Not that I was going to abandon my jam-packed social schedule of dinner parties, happy hours, and watching basketball games. I wasn’t going to put all my eggs in this one basket, but was hopeful that this would at least expand my options and encourage me to be more open.

So with no expectations, I carefully crafted my profile with the assistance of some friends. With a click, I was back in the game. It took a few weeks for things to get off the ground, but before long I was getting some hits. No. No. No. No. Maybe. No. No. No. Part of me felt a little guilty for being so judgmental. Then again, I was looking for someone who I’d actually be attracted to and able to have a conversation with so why waste my time? After a while, the guilt felt more like empowerment. I felt like I had a choice in the matter! I weeded through profile after profile for a few weeks before I found one that was a yes - Mr. Nice Guy.

From what he outlined in his profile, Mr. Nice Guy seemed like the kind of guy I'd been interested in meeting, but hadn't in a while (so that alone was encouraging). He was my age, attractive, lived close, and had hobbies and interests in addition to pounding back drinks. I could get used to this type of option! After a few email exchanges, our communication moved on to text messages. You know how I feel about those so you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was when that led to an actual phone call. Well, as impressed as I was about the phone call, it made me want to get back up on my technology-is-the-devil-in-dating soapbox. Talk about BORING! If he could have seen my face, he might not have asked me out! I mean, I know it is hard getting to know people and perhaps the phone makes you nervous, but this conversation was just kinda awkward. I was definitely put off when his line of questioning strayed from “what do you do?” and “what movies do you like?” to “when was your last relationship?” and “what have the other guys you’ve met been like?” Whoa, homie! Pump the brakes! But in the spirit of being more open, I decided to accept his offer and meet him that weekend. After all, I think I’m much better in person than on the phone so maybe it applied to him as well.

As I hung up the phone, I realized that I had made the rookie mistake of accepting a Saturday night date as opposed to an after work drink. What was I thinking? The consequences of being out of the game too long. Oh well, I was committed and soon came the Saturday night date. We had a nice time and he definitely was a nice guy, but boring and awkward perpetuated. A few days later, he sent a very nice text acknowledging the lack of spark on both ends and wished me well. I appreciated his honesty and wished him well, too. On to the next one!

With the next time, it started out much differently. Our first phone conversation was at least an hour long. We had a lot to talk about and he was funny. I learned from the last one and our date was set up for a Monday night after work. Perfect! That would be easy to get out of if I needed to. Well, the moment of truth arrived. And, alas, I just wasn’t that attracted to him. I’m a classy lady though, so I went on with it. We still had a lot to talk about, but he too traveled down the path of asking about exes and other guys I was seeing. All up in my business!! ! And that’s not all. More of his true colors started to seep through and I realized he was Mr. In It to Win It. My friend Serena’s description of the guys you meet online that are on the fast track to relationship, marriage, and the baby carriage. In the course of our conversation, he referenced us as a ‘we’ multiple times and had already planned ahead to when I was hanging out with his friends. Whoa, homie! Pump the breaks! I conveniently dropped hints throughout our conversation about my race training so it was perfect that after a few appetizers I was able to find my way home.

Was it really going to be that hard to find one that stuck? One that was just right? I felt like Goldilocks (well, with darker hair and cuter shoes). I realized this wouldn’t be easy. Lots of trial and error. But, hey, she found one that was just right eventually, and I knew, so would I.

Krista is a thirtysomething who has been sharing her stories with her girlfriends for years. The sassy, yet sweet writer considers her audience an extension of her girlfriends network and hopes that through her writing, other women will find hope, humor, or solace.