Valentine

Valentine’s Day. It’s been the bane of my existence since I was 14. That was the year when it seemed that the box of character cards for the whole class went out the window and in came gifts for “boyfriends” or “girlfriends.” That was the year I realized that things in the world aren’t always fair and some girls get two gifts from the two boys fighting over her and some girls get none. The classic haves and the have nots. I was always one of the have nots in the department. I looked forward to high school when the calendar seemed to (miraculously) fall so that Valentine’s Day was during President’s Weekend break. How else could I have survived year after year of happy couples exchanging flowers and candy in those high school hallways? In college, I continued to be apart of that have nots group. Love, or something like that, always seemed to elude me. I started developing my theory around junior year. It had to be the fact that there were just too many gift giving holidays in a row for any guy to date me. I mean, first came Christmas. Three weeks later, my birthday. Four weeks later, Valentine’s Day. They just couldn’t justify sticking it out until the spring. So I celebrated those infamous fourteenths alone. Watching sappy movies. Shedding a few tears. Attempting to focus on the friends and family that did love me. Still, this nagging remained. But now I know, that you have to be your own valentine. Love yourself first. Treat yourself to something special because you deserve it. Hope that the rest will fall in line exactly how it is supposed to. Smile at the couple you see passing by because that gives you hope that love still exists and can be found. After all, true love isn’t about declaring feelings and emotions on one day, but about giving and sharing every day.

Acceptance

While an episode of any given television show would have you believe that the single life is comprised of meeting gorgeous guys at Starbucks and going on fabulous dates every weekend, the truth of the matter is it is often less exciting. I’ve grown accustomed to this reality, but that doesn’t mean I like it! Being that now is during one of these less than exciting phases, it’s got me feeling slightly vulnerable and in need of some attention.

I’m unsure at this point how the conversation began. Perhaps it was the mention of that infamous February Hallmark Holiday or maybe it was the comment about a friend’s recent surprise in a familiar turquoise blue box. Half-joking, half-serious I lamented, “I want someone to buy me a gift!” To this a friend responded, “One day someone will be so excited to buy you a gift.” While I’m sure she thought of her response as a passing comment, her words stuck with me and provoked some deep thinking about the impact our words can have, especially between friends.

As we journey through our daily lives, it is easy to get caught up in chaos and fail to appreciate the power of our words. At times, our words can be harsh, damaging, biting. In the best case scenario, our words can be comforting, poignant, and insightful.

While you, like I, may have handled your issues. Conquered your demons. After trial and error and struggle discovered that you are a strong, independent, and confident woman. At times, we all revert back to that insecure girl who used to be. The girl who benefits from this reassurance that yes, one day, someone will be excited to buy her a gift despite the fact that today is not that day.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, you may need that reassurance. Know that it’s okay. You are not alone. Life is about feeling and experiencing all emotions, not just the positive ones. While I don’t suggest wearing all black and locking yourself in a room, don’t feel obligated to give out cards or wear heart patterned socks if you’re just not feeling it. It’s just not that serious. The key is to balance letting yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel, but not to be consumed by it.

In the grand scheme of life, it is only a day, like any other day, and it too will pass. And while this day might lack love of the romantic sort for you, do not be quick to forget that love comes in a wonderful spectrum of sorts and to cherish that just the same. And no, we shouldn’t need a day to tell us to love, but it can be a good reminder. Buy your own gift. Be your own Valentine. If you can’t love yourself, how can someone else?

Love God. Love yourself. Love your family and friends. Love life. Remember that little things, even words, make a big difference.