Breakthrough

The life of a twentysomething girl can sometimes be compared to an episode of Sex and the City (although in some cases “Fooling Around in the City” might be a more appropriate description). And like the legendary show, life is more than encounters and escapades. It’s about experiences, friendships, relationships, and breakthroughs. Just like Carrie Bradshaw, I had a breakthrough of my own.

Maybe it was the magic of the city. Maybe it was a fleeting memory. I’m not sure what it was that sparked my breakthrough during a rainy cab ride on an ordinary night. Whatever it was, I pondered on my past and certain individuals who had come in and then left out of my life. Despite being “over it,” the question still nagged at the back of my mind, “Why wasn’t it me?” And then it struck me. I recalled the episode of Sex and the City in which Carrie confronts Mr. Big with the same question. As she and the girls sip their cosmopolitans, they have the epiphany that life is imitating the art of the movies. In The Way We Were, the main character chooses the “simple girl” over the “complicated girl.” That was it for me as well! The Mr. Bigs of my world also chose the simple and unruffled path with the simple girl, so it never would have worked.

Not every man is strong enough, brave enough, or willing enough to be with the complicated girl. Being with this type of girl is a challenge, but a challenge well worth undertaking for the man able and glad to take it on. The type of man that understands that being complicated isn’t bad. The man who understands that the complicated girl is not one dimensional. The man who embraces that she is not about making life difficult for the sake of being difficult, but about exploring her layers of interests, feelings, beliefs, values, and personas that sometimes clash. The man who desires the fire and passion and depth that accompany this type of girl.

And so we “complicated girls” wait. With each experience and interaction, we move closer to finding this strong enough, brave enough, willing enough man, because he’s out there.

Grow Up Already

Guys, you know I love you, but I have a bone to pick.

So, why is it that guys all of a sudden feel they have this monopoly over the whole “fear of rejection” rationale? You won’t approach, talk to, attempt to talk to, or call us. You think we don’t fear rejection as well?

While we generally are not the ones to make the first approach, and thus do not have to confront that initial potential for rejection, we still are forced to reckon with what happens after you make the initial call. Even the best of you have moments where you leave us wondering.

And what about the old bystander, “I’ve been hurt before.” Haven’t we all? When you reach a certain age, it’s rare that you have traversed through life unscathed. We all have battle wounds and scars from our past. Not that I am negating your experience (or mine for that matter), but at what point do we sift through our feelings, deal with them, and move on? When do we stop projecting feelings on the next person we meet? Not that we shouldn’t be careful or guard our hearts, feelings, or emotions. Not that we should do the opposite and allow ourselves to get close to someone new overnight. However, we have to be open to the idea in time. To let go of the crutch and walk strong.

We all need to start behaving like the grown ups we are and operate in reality instead of resorting to the games we once used to play. We need to throw caution to the wind, put our fears behind us, and respond honestly and truthfully to each other. It’s about time.