Hope

“Hope is a good thing - maybe the best thing. And no good thing ever dies.” How remarkable that these wise words were not imparted from the mouth of a great romantic novelist, but from the horror authority, Stephen King. Despite the nature of their source, these words are relevant in the romantic facet of life. In the life of a single woman in search of love, there are a lot of necessities. Above all, you need to love yourself and be secure in your identity. You need to have a life that is fulfilling, challenging, and filled with the love of family and friends. You also need to have a lot of strength! A jungle is an understatement for the arena of the dating world. From no callbacks to bad first dates to cheating partners, your ego and heart are on a platter – out and exposed and easily susceptible to bruising or breaking. A sense of humor is indispensable. In a world where truth is often stranger than fiction, if you don’t laugh, you just might be reduced to tears. There is no other option when you’re approached by the guy still asking, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Taking this all into account, your quest to find love can only be sustained with the last essential element, hope.

Enter stage left: the “hope guy.” What is he? One who gives you reason to believe that what you actually desire in a man exists and it is out there. He may not have all you are looking for, but he serves the purpose of exhibiting some quality highly valued. Who is he? One whom you do not, or cannot, have a romantic relationship with due to time, space, place, or circumstance. You might have had some sort of association in the past be it a relationship, or less, but that is not a stipulation of reaching “hope guy” status. Where is he? Just about anywhere in your life. Perhaps he is in your inner circle of friends or in one of your extended networks. Why is he…necessary? Important? Healthy? For that wounded ego of yours, he is the motivation that you are healing for a valid intention. Maybe it is his affinity for your Sunday afternoon rituals of football and the Metro section. Or it’s his penchant for the dusty aisles of your local bookstore. Maybe it is a shared passion for Italian culture or for your common faith. Or it’s a similar sense of humor. Perhaps it’s the intensity of the chemistry between you that drives your desire to absorb every ounce of him that to not be in his physical presence pains you. Or possibly a conversation that lasts until sunrise. His ambition to succeed. His ability to make you feel at ease. Regardless of the reason, he reminds you to be optimistic. In the sometimes tumultuous meantime, hope helps you endure.

When you identify your hope guy, or guys, do not become complacent. (Yes. You can have more than one. I have two!) Keep your life full as you continue to search for the love you deserve, but remember to stay realistic. The love of your life does not come made to order, but those admirable traits you are searching for do exist out there, so settling is not an option. So in the meantime, continue to hope and hopefully your hope guy will one day be replaced with your love guy. Hope and love are good things. And remember, no good thing ever dies.

Quarter Life Complexity

Turning 25 is a monumental and defining point in the life of the twenty-something woman. It’s as if the number alone represents the dichotomy of what you are still young enough to get away with and what needs to be left behind in your yesteryears. It’s as if you teeter the line of erring on the side of conformity and diverging down your own path regardless. In my experience, this birthday evoked a range of emotions – fear, excitement, anxiety, uncertainty - at what was to come in this new phase of my life. Rather than see this as a dead end – the end of an era – I chose to see this birthday as a new beginning. A chance to start anew. A chance to realize what I had accomplished and what I still had yet to accomplish. A chance to begin pursuing my dreams.

I could never have imagined the adventure that awaited me. The true self-discovery that would take place leading me to find myself, at 26, in total control of my life with a quarter century of life lessons learned.

Twenty-five is spent working it all out. Until this point, I had merely made mistakes. The same mistakes with the same outcomes. Being too guarded, being too open, being too weak, being too strong willed, being too picky, not being picky enough. Not that 25 did not bring its share of mistakes, but at this point, I started to learn from them and make changes. No, this did not secure fairy tale endings. I still experienced my fair share of let downs and disappointments, but after enough tries, I began to endure them with much more patience, wisdom, and grace.

Twenty-five is spent defining you. Part of this identity development required me to grow into a decision maker. I am my decisions – what I stand for, the rules I opt to play by, the statements I choose to make. My experiences, and the decisions I have made in regards to them, have made me who I am. I furthered honed my identity by constantly seeking to challenge myself – mentally, spiritually, physically as to not become complacent.

Twenty-five is spent understanding all the things already known to be true. Life is about the journey and the memories made along the way. Having fun is essential and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate the different elements of you make the shining moments more spectacular and the trying moments easier to bear. I was (and am) fortunate beyond measure to have amazing people of that caliber in my life and have only added to that circle. It is because of those individuals that I realized that being me was all I needed to do. Some people would like that and others would not, but I already had everyone that I needed.

After my journey through 25, I eventually emerged on the other side, this time with less fear and more eager anticipation of the adventures ahead. Whatever was in store, I knew the lessons I had learned would equip me to handle them. In the face of every situation, I was prepared to just own it, while careful to balance my optimism with realism, knowing that there is always a new challenge.

With this birthday, my resolutions were to be more decisive, have more fun, and find balance between work and the rest of my life. Later came exhibiting more self control and that elusive task of demanding without being demanding. Making these changes requires more than just the desire to do so, but the conscious decision to actively improve those areas.

As I approach the halfway mark of being 26, I look back on the past 6 months fondly. Not because it has been sunshine and roses and I have checked off everything on my list, but because through it all, the smiles and the tears, I have managed to remain steadfast in being me and to make every decision on my terms – right, wrong, or in-between. I have learned from the mistakes I have made, as well as made new ones, but I have also done a lot of things right. My strength has been tested, but the challenges have taught me to continue to believe in myself and never give up the fight. Life keeps moving forward, and so must I. Why resist the flow of life and attempt to dwell in the depths of misfortune and despair when there is so much more to encounter and anticipate?

I am still a work in progress. I have yet to achieve the balance I desire among all the facets of my life. I have yet to figure out the most effective way to advocate for myself. I have yet to master success in a relationship. I still doubt. I still question. I still overanalyze. I am still resolute in evolving into the woman who can conquer these issues as well. The confident, in control, and content, woman I have become has the next 6 months to see how that will unfold.