Pressure

I love guys. To those that know me, perhaps that sounds like an understatement. Yes, there are a plethora of obvious reasons why I love them, but in this case, the reason supercedes my flirtations and need for sport watching companions.

Being a twenty-something woman, there is a lot of pressure. Everyone expects us to have it all and do it all. We are expected to be successful in our careers. We are expected to be successful in our relationships. We are expected to be successful in bearing children. Where exactly is this pressure coming from? Society? Family? Each other? Ourselves? And why do we care? When did it become so hard to be a girl?

Is it realistic to expect us to have it all – the career, the man, the house, the family? We should not feel inadequate for not yet accomplishing these goals regardless of the “what’s wrong with you?” glances we might receive from those who expect something else of our lives. But where are the commitment friendly companions for us? In my experience, if they aren’t already taken, they aren’t ready to be on the commitment page yet and no one is pressuring them to be either. They are free to have varying priorities of establishing career or hanging out with friends.

Why can’t we just resist and rise above these nagging pressures? Maybe we must band together in solidarity and present a united front. Be more like our male counterparts and prioritize friendship and fun ahead of an uncertain future that is certain to fall into place in its own good time. Focus on the here and now. On what we do have, rather than what anyone else thinks we should have. On who we are, not who anyone else thinks we should be - without having to apologize to the world for being exactly where we are supposed to be and accomplishing our goals on our own terms. Then, maybe we will all be on the same page together. We will all have had our fun and selfish days and will be prepared for whatever is to come next. Not that we will not experience feelings of insurmountable doubt, second guessing, or inadequacy. We are human after all. But we will resolve to allow them only to be temporary as we work on developing ourselves.

Well, ladies, the guys have (finally) figured something out. (Sorry guys. You know I love you.) So in this case, I say we follow in their footsteps and live our lives on our terms and let what is beyond our control fall into line. Are you up for the challenge?

How Do I Love Me?

How do I love me? Let me count my shopping bags!

I am a woman of my word. Anyone that knows me well knows that if I say I’m going to do something, consider it done. Lots of people, including me, talk about being your own valentine. Doing things for your own enjoyment rather than waiting around for someone else to do them for you.

I decided to do just that. I decided to take myself shopping for Valentine’s Day. A day alone trekking around the city buying to my heart’s content. Just because I deserve it. Finding comfort and enjoyment in my own company. It was a wonderful feeling to finance these new additions to my wardrobe. While it is always a treat for someone to buy things for you, it’s also empowering to have the means to do it yourself. To know that you have something to offer and bring to the table that is worthy of being matched.

So even though Valentine’s Day is long gone, every day is a chance to love ourselves and do things that make us happy independent of anyone else. Some people may chalk this all up to cliché, but I choose to make it a reality.

For What It's Worth

You meet a guy and you think he is great! Mentally, you see the list and all the checks of all the requirements he meets. Things are just going so well. You are together one enchanted night, one delightful month, or even one marvelous year. Regardless, you have invested and think you could never quite match this experience with another. Maybe it is the way he kissed you passionately in the back of a cab to some unknown destination. Maybe it was how he charmed you each day with roses. Maybe it was his ability to whisk you away on a moments notice to his summer home, buy you a piece of Tiffany’s to add to your collection, or foot the bill for your Louis Vuitton. When it was all said and done and he didn’t call back or gradually fizzled out of your life or was unfaithful. Whatever way it ended, you were left hurt, bruised, broken. You thought you would never again find that. Your eyes leaked a few tears, you spat out vile, vicious words, and you used his old t-shirt to clean your toilet. Time passed by. New men drifted along and drifted by, none of who quite measured up and it was almost cemented that you would never again find it again. And then one day…maybe it was the time that another guy kissed you in the back of another cab and made the first time a distant memory. Maybe it was the notes left on your windshield by the next charmer. Maybe it was meeting that other guy who could take you to Barneys or Balthazar. It is then that you conclude that for the most part, they really are a dime a dozen. Easily replaced. Easily interchangeable. You will meet another. You will meet one that will be willing to work and invest in you. Keep hope alive. Your million-dollar man will come.