Thanks

Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. Besides the obvious gastronomic delights, it is the one time of year where it seems that everyone is together again, if not always in body, mind and spirit at least. It is a chance to break from our busy schedules to reacquaint and rekindle friendships of the lasting kind. For that opportunity, and the opportunity to surround myself with my family, I am extremely grateful. So here is to you. My friends. I am so very thankful for each and everyone one of you and how you have influenced me in so many positive ways. Happy Thanksgiving!


I’m thankful for the friends who have been constant over the years. Even though there have been days, months, and years when we have seen or talked more or less than usual, the bonds we share have remained.

I’m thankful for the friend who, despite her many responsibilities as wife and mother, always carves out time for me and my needs and concerns.

I’m thankful for the friends that seem to know just what to say and just when to say it.

I’m thankful for the friends who took me to the top of a mountain and allowed me to go beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone and embrace another facet of myself.

I’m thankful for the friends who, despite being on the other side of the country, are such a part of my life that I feel like they are just next door.

I’m thankful for the friends who just understand and relate to where I am on this journey called life.

I’m thankful for the friends how inspire me to be the best me I can be because that is a worthy person.

I’m thankful for the friend who is strong beyond measure that amazes me with her courage and allows me to find that within myself.

I’m thankful for the new friends I have made this year who have each added something to my life that was not present before be it a new perspective or a familiar understanding.

I’m thankful for the friend who is the eternal optimist whose faith in me never diminishes.

I’m thankful for the friends who surpass the boundaries of friendship and are more like family.

I’m thankful for the friends who fill the minutes and the hours with conversation and companionship.

I’m thankful for the friend who is so sure of herself and what she wants that she inspires me to do the same.

I’m thankful for the friend who knows when and how to sugar coat it for me.

I’m thankful for the friend who knows how to give it to me straight.

I’m thankful to all who read my ranting and raving and support me in my endeavors!

The Other Side of Me: A Stream of Consciousness

The imperfect, unconfident, irrational, unstable, antithesis of me

I seem so strong and put together and for the most part I am. Days like today, I’m simply freaking out, falling apart. I do appreciate what I have. I do want what I have. But I am human and have deep feelings and emotions and sometimes it just hurts.

Don’t confuse me for one of those women that pines away for love lost and love yet to be discovered. I’m far too independent and strong for that. I value and enjoy my independence. Being the youngest child, I spent 22 years having to answer to everyone else. Being able to answer only to me is something I value.

Independence doesn’t mean going through life without a partner. Independence means being capable enough to coexist with someone else who compliments your life. Independence means having your own life before you join it with that of another.

Just because I don’t need a man, doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t enjoy the company of one. Just because I am self sufficient, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be taken care of every once in a while.

I just want to know that finding love is an option for me. Most other people I know that are single have at least had that one relationship in which they felt there was hope for that future. I can’t say the same.

My relationship history has been a series of unfortunate events. It all almost seems hopeless. Is he really out there? Or is that just what people tell you.

I look back in time over the past few years. I look at a picture. Each person I see has had such amazing changes in their life. One friend – engaged, married. Other friends – engaged, married, baby. Other friends – one relationship, then the relationship. What about me? It almost spirals into a panic. Could that little of significance really have happened? The most that has changed for me is my career and my hair color.

I have decided that as long as I don’t wallow and dwell and get back up on the horse that I will be okay.

The married friends have been on that track for a while. That doesn’t phase me. It’s the single friends that all of a sudden have gotten serious. I’m happy. I’m not there yet, but what am I going to do. They have these people in their lives that are their priority. I am not anyone’s priority. And there will be times where all of them are busy and then what am I left with. I am independent and I enjoy alone time, but too much could be detrimental.

I’m just worried that I’ll wake up one day and be 40 and in the same boat. It feels like I just woke up and was 25 and the past 5 years have been a blur and I don’t have much to show.

Why do I feel as if I am being persecuted for having a lot to offer?

Sometimes I just want to scream – “it’s not fair!!!” As second grade as that is, there are just some situations in which it seems as life falls into place so easily for other people and I just can’t catch a break.

My mind. It is chaotic. Filled with contradictory and conflicting thoughts. Filled with doubt and confusion. Not always enlightened. Not always mature. Not always in control. But it is honest. It is true. And I know it is not alone. To all you out there in the same struggle…

In my lamenting and whining about all of the above, someone I know commented on my situation and told me, “the right one will call back.” I can hold on to the hope that all of my friends are right and that the right one will. And in the meantime, I will embrace my life and be the strong (if I can’t be perfect, I’ll take it), confident, rational, stable me.